i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Randomize
