So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
