my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize
