I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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