If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
