fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
