I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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