There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
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