I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
