Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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