Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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