Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
