you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
this boner is exhausting
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
