It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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