She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
