just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
me + whiskey = a bad person
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Randomize
