i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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