I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
