she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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