Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
