Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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