You made me cry and you don't even care
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Randomize
