You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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