So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
