I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
