I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
