her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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