Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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