I seem to have left my pride at pride
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
