ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
