can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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