apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
