to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
