Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
