Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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