I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
