That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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