Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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