your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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