he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
