...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Randomize
