oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
