"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
