My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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