Its about making memories worth repressing
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm getting married
To pizza
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
