i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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