maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
