Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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