there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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