your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
