All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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