hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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