soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
