I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
