Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
