I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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