No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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